Support Us

Ditte

Ditte

This is a portrait I painted of my beloved Floris. Looking at the portrait is the closest I can come to connecting with his essence. Floris left his body November 10, 2017. Floris, you were amazing and such a beauty to see. I was in love with you every day of the 13 years and 4 months together. We shared a deeply bonded relationship; we were extraordinarily close. Floris was a Belgium sheepdog, a working dog: perceptive, sensitive, loyal, smart, high strung, easily nervous, and humorous. We moved many times: lived in the Bay Area, California; Holland; Boulder, Colorado; and Vashon Island where we finally had a home for the last 4 years. We had many, many great adventures: in the wild, hiking,  swimming, smelling, running. And also, he totally loved tracking in Holland, agility, and freestyle dancing. Throughout it all, we were a constant to each other. Over the last year and a half, Floris’ body was declining, starting with a seizure and a diagnosis of a pancreatic tumor. He slowly became more quiet. Mostly, in the last months, he was hanging out on the cowhide or his dog bed. But always, his soul-quality-of-presence was felt by close friends that visited. Life in his body was no fun, but it wasn’t all bad either. Delicious home-made food delivered to him 3 times a day, a soft bed, and a steady flow of love and devotion. I believe that the deep love we had for each other kept us both going. “Whenever you are ready, manneke, you can go now; mama is okay.” But Floris kept on going, and going, and going. During the last weeks, fluids started to slowly accumulate in his belly. Walking or getting up was hard for him, with labored breathing. Thursday, I knew — without a shadow of a doubt— “I am complete.” And I knew that Floris had been complete for a long time. All is lived; all is done.  Why wait any longer? My vet of choice came the next day, Friday morning. All was peaceful. I was there with him, and at 9:45 am, his heart stopped. I spent the day alone with his body, with him. It was the most profound silence, peace, and emptiness I have ever experienced. A very, very fine, subtle vibration, energy was felt, completely indescribable. It was and is not easy. So existential. Like falling into the crucible of this vast existence. Beloved of my heart, I love you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You broke my heart open with your love, loyalty, and devotion; you were supreme. I bow to you in deep gratitude; I love you. Love is forever…Ditte

About Post Author

COPYRIGHTS © 2018 HealGrief All rights reserved. ...

HealGrief.org