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Scott La Fein

My dad died this past April.  Even though he had cancer, it was unexpected.  He was doing well, living alone, completely coherent, getting around.  This man I absolutely adored, even idolized, as a child and then, as a teen and adult, I spent the rest of my life struggling with a sense of rejection and dysfunction in dealing with his challenging personality.  Now, what is this I feel?  This strange mix of…well…there is sadness; there is disappointment; there is anger, hurt…and love…maybe compassion too…and some gratitude.  Pretty confusing but, oddly, it makes sense.  He did love Nature and I use the Big Dipper to send my love to my loved ones who live far away.  So this photo from a few nights ago feels somewhat healing.  Like I am sending him my love, out to the Vastness that he has become.  That feels pretty good…I like that.

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