A New Perspective on Honoring Our Person

As Halloween approaches, we encounter symbols like skeletal figures and coffins. For some, these images are a playful nod; for others, they may be a trigger and evoke reminders of loss. This contrast highlights the diversity in how we honor the dead.

Although grief is a universal experience, how we express and process it varies widely across cultures.

In Mexican culture, Día de los Muertos, or the Day of the Dead, offers a joyful approach to grief. As depicted in Disney’s Coco, this celebration is about keeping the memory of our person alive. Families create vibrant altars, or ofrendas, adorned with marigolds, photos, and the decedent’s favorite foods. The belief is that during Día de los Muertos, the spirits return, drawn by love and memories, to enjoy these offerings.

The traditions of Día de los Muertos align closely with the tasks of mourning outlined by psychologist J. William Worden, particularly the task of maintaining an enduring connection with the deceased while embracing a meaningful life. This celebration embodies a balance between offering a space to celebrate life and integrating memories into the present.

Anthropologist Cristina De Rossi states, “Culture encompasses religion, food, what we wear, how we wear it, our language, marriage, music, what we believe is right or wrong, how we sit at the table, how we greet visitors, how we behave with our person and a million other things.”

Our cultural background influences how we grieve and how we find meaning after the death loss of our person. Beyond Mexico, other cultures also have unique ways of honoring the dead. For example:

• In Japan, the Obon festival honors the spirits of ancestors. Lanterns are lit to guide the spirits back to their world after a visit with their living relatives.

• In Madagascar, the Famadihana, or “turning of the bones,” is a ritual where families exhume the bodies of their ancestors, rewrap them in fresh cloth, and dance with them before reburial.

• In Eastern Orthodox Christian funerals, mourning can last up to 40 days, and in some Islamic communities, a widow may mourn for four months and ten days. 

These examples show us that there is no “right” way to grieve—only ways that resonate with our cultural identity and personal beliefs.

Ruby Garcia reflects, ‘Dia de los Muertos was as much about reclaiming my Latinidad as it was about giving myself permission to feel my feelings. No matter how many years have passed, sometimes the pain still feels enormous.’ This sentiment echoes the task of processing the pain of grief, which traditions like Día de los Muertos facilitate by transforming pain into a celebration of life and love.

In contrast, some might find the imagery of Halloween—a holiday close in timing but vastly different in tone—triggering. Its skeletal figures and haunted themes might evoke fear or sadness rather than comfort. For those who find Halloween unsettling, it might be helpful to recognize that, like Día de los Muertos, the holiday can also offer a way to confront and engage with death, albeit in a less traditional manner. By embracing a broader perspective on how different cultures honor their dead, we can find new ways to connect with our person and perhaps even find comfort in the diversity of human experience.

Grief is not one-size-fits-all. Whether through the joyful remembrance of Día de los Muertos or quieter, introspective traditions, what matters most is that we honor our person in a way that feels authentic and healing. By exploring and respecting different cultural approaches to grief, we may discover new rituals or perspectives that support our own mourning journey.

As you reflect on the death loss of your person, consider the words of Cristina De Rossi: Culture is not just about what we do; it’s about who we are. And in our grief, we find the most profound expression of our love, beliefs, and enduring connection with those who have gone before us.

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