What are these stages of grief? First, let us put grief in perspective. It is a very personal and individual experience. Personality, coping mechanisms, and the relationship one has to the decedent are only a few key elements that will determine the depth of one’s experience with grief.

Now, let’s explore the stages of grief and what they mean. They are often referred to as the 5 Stages of Grief and are defined as:

Denial: This can’t be happening.

Anger: Why did this happen? Who is to blame?

Bargaining: Make this not happen, and I will…

Depression: I can’t bear this; I’m too sad to do anything.

Acceptance: I acknowledge that this has happened, and I cannot change it.

Although these stages are presented in a neat and concise format, there is nothing neat or straightforward when it comes to one’s journey with grief. Even Elisabeth Kubler-Ross herself, a psychiatrist who first discussed the theory, said that the stages of grief were not meant to be packaged so neatly.

Medical and mental health professionals have widely accepted these stages.

However, it is essential to note that Kubler-Ross’ theory was specific to those facing the end of life and imminent death.

In recent years, many have begun to challenge this theory and argue that it has no application to those bereaved. In addition, there is an argument that the “stages” were never proven as a fact. They were merely a hypothetical concept developed with personal bias.

A study performed by Yale School of Medicine suggests a different point of view. Although the data did lend support to the stages of grief, they placed different emphasis on the order and relabeled them to reflect the research more accurately. In addition, they substitute the word “stages” with the word “indicators,” suggesting that “stages” implies a period, leaving one waiting for a period to end.

The stages of grief, now termed “grief indicators,” are:

Yearning

Disbelief about the death

Anger

Depressive mood

Acceptance

The research shows that disbelief was heightened immediately following the death. Whereas, yearning, anger, and depression were heightened for four to six months following the death and acceptance after six months.

Regardless of theories, studies, or research, we do want to emphasize that there is no absolute. And while “yearning” is said to peak between 4-6 months post-death, we believe that it’s normal to have moments of intense grief as triggers remind us of our loved one, despite the number of years passed.

HealGrief.org