Holiday Grief Tips for Supporting Yourself:

Holiday Grief Tips – When you are grieving, the holidays can be an emotionally overwhelming time. How do you get through? How do you find ways to enjoy the holiday season again? There is really no single answer to what one should or shouldn’t do. The Hospice Foundation of America stresses one guiding principle, and we agree: do what is comfortable for you.

Some people find it helpful to be with family and friends, in a familiar setting. Others might wish to avoid those familiar sights and sounds. Here are a few grief tips as you discern what works best for you:

Take care of yourself. Caring for yourself will help you care for others.

Recognize that the holidays will not be the same.

Plan ahead. Think about situations that might be emotionally tough for you.

Be careful not to isolate yourself. It’s alright to take time for yourself, but try not to cut yourself off from support.

If it’s comfortable, spend some time thinking about the person who has died and consider ways you might honor them during the holidays.

Be patient with yourself. You may not always understand your emotions – that’s OK.

Ask for help. Don’t be afraid to reach out and get the help you need. You can reach out to your AMF chapter or reach out to us at National. We are always here to help support you!

More holiday grief tips from our young adults.

You are not alone; people are there for you. Let others know how you feel and spend time with those you love. – Jeffrey and Annie, Georgetown University

I found it helpful to tell stories from past holidays to make it feel like our loved one was still there. –Jackie and Erinn, University of Wisconsin – Green Bay

Just let the person know that you understand holidays are a hard time and you are there for them if they need someone to talk to.

If you know a family member or friend who may be having a tough time during the holidays after the loss of someone significant to them, I would call or stop by to check in, see how they are doing, and provide them with a space to talk. –Kristen, Oklahoma State University

Something I struggled with during the holidays was figuring out whether to try to recreate the traditions my Mom has always been a huge part of, or to do something completely new. Both options seemed painful, so my family ended up doing something small that my Mom would have done (making mashed sweet potatoes for Thanksgiving, for example) to honor her memory, coupled with something new that we could manage without her. –Julia, Columbia University

Grief tip – You don’t have to pretend to be happy for everyone else’s sake.

When I go home for the holidays, we all like to watch home movies. It reminds us of all the happy moments we have to hold on to and be grateful for. –Danielle Eble, Boston University

There is no right or wrong way for you to go through this. Everyone’s grief is unique, and although I have struggled with my grief, my grief is not the same as yours.

I think the hardest part for me was people expecting me to get over this in a set amount of time. So, I would tell people that they can take as much time as they need to grieve and that it’s a lifelong process that doesn’t go away, but they can think of strategies to deal with grief. –Page, University of Georgia

Honestly, I like to keep busy with my family during the holidays. Whether it’s helping around the house with cooking or shoveling the driveway. It’s harder for me to dwell on the emotion behind the loss of my loved ones, but much easier to embrace those who are still around.

I also like to keep in mind how I felt during the loss of my loved ones, fresh in my mind during the holidays. I feel as though it’s easier to lend support to other individuals when you have access to those bittersweet emotions/memories. It helps me relate better to those who are currently going through the grief process. –Andrew, The Ohio State University

A good way would be to show love and concern for people going through it and let them know that it’s ok to be vulnerable to grief and other emotions. –Nooruddin, Georgia State University

Include the deceased in your conversations and celebrations. Hang a stocking for your loved one where people can leave notes with their thoughts or feelings. Look at photographs. Once others realize that you are comfortable talking about your loved one, they can relate stories that will add to your pleasant memories.

Remember, the anticipation of any holiday is so much worse than the holiday itself. Donate a gift or money in your loved one’s name. –Lauren, Walden University

Set aside time to do something just for yourself. This helps me step back from the craziness of life to process the crazy emotions that can come up during the holiday season.

Embrace the memories that come up during the holiday season. They can make you smile during what is often a difficult time.

Channel your energy into something positive, such as donating your time or skills to family members or friends in need.

Surround yourself with people you care about. –Student Leader, Boston University

Stay busy and find new traditions to start with your family. My family loves watching home videos on holidays to keep our loved ones in our minds. I also made a list of fun holiday events to take part in, like carving pumpkins on Halloween, making a special pie for Thanksgiving, and donating some old clothes to a shelter for Christmas. It helps to feel accomplished and do something nice.

Make sure you have some friends and loved ones you can turn to when you do feel sad.

I use a term called ‘forced happiness’: I decorate my dorm room with holiday decorations, so I am always happy when I walk in. I have Christmas lights and random window stickers that remind me of the holidays.

Exercising always helps me. If you are home for break and feeling down, go to the gym for a run or even bring an iPad to watch Netflix on the elliptical. It is nice to sweat out the anger or sadness. –Lauren, Lewis University

Keeping your traditions alive really helps. I still do the things my mom and I used to do, and my boyfriend does them with me now. Sharing and continuing these traditions makes it a bit easier. –Bryna, Southern Methodist University

Try to remember the good times you had with your loved ones, and try to embrace the new phase of your life without them.

Grief tip – Give yourself plenty of space and alone time.

Remind yourself that it is okay to be sad during the holidays, which is normally a time to be happy.

Give yourself space and plenty of alone time if you get overwhelmed by family.

Take time to remind yourself of everything you are still grateful for despite your loved one’s death. –Kathryn, North Carolina State University

Just check in. That’s simple– Dartmouth has a month-and-a-half-long break coming up, and we are trying to find out how we can all stay in touch from across the country during the Holiday season. –Maggie, Dartmouth College

Holidays are all about tradition; try to keep some of the old traditions to signify that the loved one is still in your heart, and make new ones to signify that you are growing. –Kirsten, Purdue University

Surrounding yourself with family and friends and making new memories while reflecting on the old ones. –Jordan, College of Charleston

I always say it’s okay not to be a fan of the holiday season, and it’s okay to miss your loved ones who have passed. In the case of loved ones suffering from a terminal illness, I say while it is okay to feel sadness because it could be the last holiday you spend with your loved one, you should also recognize that it could, in fact be your last holiday with them, and (depending on the circumstances, obviously) that you should try to consider how wonderful it is that you have that. I also say do what’s good for you, and if that means your friend has to be a little disappointed that you didn’t go to that Christmas party with them because you can’t be around people, that’s okay.

I also feel it is really beneficial to honor your loved one during the holiday season by volunteering over the Holiday Break, or by making a charitable donation in their honor, whichever you are more able to do. –Tina, Meredith College

Do things you’d do with a loved one during the holidays, like see a movie you think they would like or make a dish that they really enjoyed. –Tess, Georgia State University

Do not worry about past traditions, to do what feels right for you in the moment, and more importantly, perhaps to find a way to honor your loved one. –Jennifer, Western Oregon University

Do what feels comfortable. If you need to remember, remember. If you need to forget, forget. If you need to keep old traditions, do them, and if you need to start new ones, make them. Even if you don’t want to talk about the loss with your other loved ones, I suggest at least acknowledging that you are thinking about the person who died. I think that would help get rid of some awkwardness that might come up. –Meghan, Northwestern University

From a male perspective, I know it’s a little harder to speak up about emotions or feelings in front of an unknown group because many guys are simply afraid of what others will think. However, since I do not care what others think of me.

What I do around the holidays is to write a letter to that loved one (almost as if they were still alive). I write a letter to my dad every year around Christmas and let him know the progress I’ve made since last year. I leave the letter at the cemetery, along with his favorite foods and snacks (coffee, tamales, and his favorite pastries). It helps me in so many ways; I feel like I still communicate with him, and it motivates me to continue making him proud.

Grief tip – During Thanksgiving and Christmas, I watch old home videos that always hit home in my heart.

Keeping a journal, as I am sure many already do. The things I write in my journal are any memories or stories that I remember (I figured I would forget many if I didn’t write them down, especially if I want to tell my kids these stories one day). I try to keep it positive so that anytime I want to remember him and get a good laugh, I simply open it up. –Enrique, Lewis University